I'm trusting there's elegance in the dissonance

       When Donald Miller wrote "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" I felt like he wrote it for me. I love the idea that with each day and each season of our life we are writing a story and we can choose what goes in those chapters with our actions and attitudes and the moments we create. I was reminded of my love of this idea today as I was driving to work listening to music. Sleeping at Last's "Page 28" came on and I was re-inspired to take a look at the chapter I am currently writing. I don't want this chapter to be titled 'The season of getting by' or 'Stress, Sickness, and How to Make it Through'. I'd rather it talk about the beauty of lazy Saturday mornings and springtime walks and late night conversations and making friends. So now I'm remembering to focus on the peaceful times and finding the extraordinary in the routine. 
Here are the beautiful lyrics:

have you read the script? could you picture it?

... is it worth the risk?

everything i love is on the line,

on these neon signs.

but i need to know- when you looked away,

was it something that i said? was it something that i said?

well okay, okay, i need you more than i did before.

now that the concrete is nearly set.

here in the second act i’m living in repair.

strange how the heart adapts when its pieces disappear.

and there, on page 28, i’m so tired of drying glue,

i begin my grand attempt at building something new.

though i tend to write the epiphany more immediately,

i guess i’m trusting that there’s such a thing

as elegance in dissonance.

God, i’m skeptical of pulling scenes.

was it something that i said? was it something that i did?

please don’t get me wrong- i still need your help

as history repeats itself

here in the aftermath, i’m pulling at the seams.

strange how the heart adapts in the absence of routine.

and there, on page 29, i find “new” and make it mine.

but i can't help casting shadows on all i leave behind.

maybe i could afford to change a bit...even let go of the reigns?

every torn out page was worth the risk

now that the stakes have been raised.

so here in the final draft, i've given all i have. 

strange how the heart expands in the absence of a plan.

there's nothing left on the page, but i'm okay with that,

for i found my resolution was designed for stronger hands.

Happy Birthday Momma!

I just love this picture of my mom. I think it shows her personality so well. Silly with a big warm smile. 

   When I think of my mom I think of warmth, and generosity, and strength, and maybe a dash of emotion in there too:) I have learned so much from her and I'm proud to say I am like her in so many ways.

She showed me how fun it is to do things for people, and that's its ok to cry sometimes.

She demonstrated what it means to put others above yourself and how to love with a big heart.

She is playful and silly and tender and loving and bubbling over with empathy and compassion for others.

She loves to remember little things that people like and then buy them tons of it randomly
(which is why our house is stocked full of nutella and sour candy, not that I'm complaining of course!).

She cries at birthday cards and Hallmark commercials.

She loves hugs and good books.

And when she loves you, you know it and you'll probably always feel it. 

Happy birthday Mom!

Rest

       Sundays are not particularly restful in general at the Cox country home. We wake up earlier than any other day of the week, go into the church hours before church starts, I go into prepping and planning and Adam starts worship practice. Adam spends most of the service on stage or singing and I spend it doing crafts and telling stories. Now don't get me wrong we love serving in the ways that we can, but as two introverts after being 'on' for a few hours we are pretty popped by the time we get home. Then, we go back to the church in the evening to babysit or sometimes there is something going on that we are there for. 

    

     All of this is to say that we don't properly sabbath. But we do our best to piece together a sabbath of our own which includes Friday nights, Saturday mornings, and sometimes Sunday afternoons. This weekend, however, felt a bit more rushed and a bit less sabbath-y to me. I'm not really sure what it was really. 

    

      But on my way home tonight from the church I rolled down my windows, put on some loud (but not too loud) tunes, and enjoyed the ride home alone. 

   

I picked some beautiful, emotional, and meandering songs.

I let myself sing in my best indie girl singer voice.  

I smelled the fresh cut grass and the bonfires and let the dusk air swirl around in my loose curly hair. 

                                        

And I felt rest. 

     I felt rest so deeply in my heart that I nearly cried.  I let my mind go and just love the smells, and sounds, and the touch of the country air. For a moment peace was so real. And it was at that moment that I decided to create more spaces like that in my weeks. Instead of trying to cram life into every nook and cranny of my day I need to leave more spaces - margins for creativity and emotion and pleasure. 

And that's that. 

Spring Break '12

Sucre'

    
      I was so excited to hear about this new project, Sucre' ....and not just because its French for sugar and I happen to love both the French language and all things sugary and sweet! This is a combination of three of some of Adam and I's favorite bands: Eisley, MuteMath, and Jeremy Larson. Its a beautiful mix and I cannot wait for their album to come out in April (conveniently the day after my birthday I hear). 

I'm in love, I'm in love and I don't care who knows it

       A few days before our wedding Adam wrote a song for me about our wedding day and our life together that would just be beginning. I knew nothing about it (he's really good at keeping secrets) until he played it for me for the first time on our wedding day when we came back to our lovely country home as Mr. and Mrs. Cox. I loved it more than I could say, so I mostly just cried. He is so amazingly talented and creative and wonderful. 
    He recorded the song for me as a Christmas gift this year and I have been meaning to put it up before now but I wasn't sure how to do that until I made him do it for me (he's also a technological genius). In sum, Adam is awesome and also he would be furious if he knew I was saying all these wonderful things about him. But really I have a marvelously magnificent husband and I'm not just saying that because its Valentine's day. I am blessed and I know it. But that's enough rambling......here's the song and lyrics!


*Note: In case you don't recall the theme of our wedding was 'let love grow' which is where some of the inspiration came from....enjoy!

Never Fade
It's not in a name, it's in your eyes
You'll always be the moon in my sky so bright
Now take mine as yours, we'll give it everything

We will walk through our days under love, unafraid of what they bring

When the clouds roll in

I will shelter you from the rain

And my love will shine through the dark

It will never fade, it will never fade, it will never fade

Few hours have past, now there's years left to go

Time to cultivate love, sow it deep, feel it grow

May our hearts overflow, let them not be contained

Then we'll blanket our world in the fragrance of spring

When the clouds roll in

I will shelter you from the rain

And my love will shine through the dark

It will never fade, it will never fade, it will never fade

When the clouds roll in

We'll look up and give thanks for the rain 

And our love will shine through the dark

It will never fade, it will never fade, it will never fade

Our love will never fade

Never Fade

Divine.

"Friendship is acting out God's love for people in tangible ways. 

We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk though life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them.

 Friendship is an opportunity to act on God's behalf in the lives of the people that we're close to, reminding each other who God is. When we do the hard intimate work of friendship, we bring a little more of the divine into daily life."

 - Cold Tangerines 

     I love this quote and I thought about it nearly every day for four years because I had the most incredible friends. I thought every day about how each one of them showed me the character of God in small and big ways and how my growing relationship with them made me feel closer to God. I was so incredibly and remarkably blessed to live with and spend my time with some of the most beautiful people I have met. 

   All of this is to say that I had another little taste of this divine on Saturday when I spent time with Brittany and Kayla. It is such an incredible feeling to be in their presence. Who they are is astounding, really. And to be with friends who know you is one of my favorite feelings. There are no need for introductions or explanations. No need for first impressions and nerves. It's easy and relaxed and soothing to the soul.